The Pie Hole

by E.C. Myers

"Hey! Did you eat my pie?" Peter stared accusingly at his roommate Mark. He had been looking forward to the last slice of pecan pie.

Mark had noticed the pie earlier, had been about to eat it, but then was distracted by Peter's girlfriend, who seemed bored waiting for Peter to come home from work.

"Nah, I didn't eat your...pie." Guilt showed on Mark's face.

"Well, it's gone."

"Maybe whats-her-name ate it," Mark said.

"Maggie?" Maggie was Peter's girlfriend.

"Yeah. Whatever. I can't keep track of them anymore." To avoid looking at Peter, Mark opened the fridge and checked inside. "Hey. What's this thing?" He opened the door wider and pointed at a dark something in the center of the fridge. Peter came closer and looked at it. It was a round hole with soft edges. Peter crouched and saw that it disappeared when viewed from head on. He stuck a finger into it and pulled it back rapidly. "Whoa. It's cold."

Peter and Mark pulled the refrigerator out of its niche and were surprised to see that the hole remained in place.

"That's unusual," Peter said.

"I think that ate your pie."

"Where do you suppose it goes?"

"I don't think it goes anywhere."

"But I want my pie."

"Give the pie a rest," Mark said. "This is way cooler than pie."

In the next week they used the strange phenomenon as a trash receptacle, happy to no longer have to take the garbage out. They dutifully continued to recycle glasses and plastics.

"Does it look bigger to you?" Mark asked.

"A little, yeah." The dark disc had expanded another foot in radius.

"Maybe it's getting full."

"Don't be silly," Peter said. "It's infinite." He sat down and stared at it for several minutes. "Say, have you seen the cat lately?"

"No, I haven't seen her in a couple of days." Mark glanced at the black hole, then followed the path she might have taken from the floor, to the chair, to the table, to the counter, then down... "You don't think..."

Peter stood and looked at the hole sadly. He opened a can of tuna and started scraping the contents into the hole with a fork.

"What are you doing?"

"She might get hungry."

In the next week, Peter and Mark were careful not to toss anything into the black hole, except for fingernail clippings, and catnip. Then, one night Peter knocked loudly on Mark's door.

"Mark! Have you seen Maggie?"

Surprisingly, Maggie lasted as Peter's girlfriend for almost two weeks, which was unprecedented in recent memory. Mark flattered himself by taking some of the credit for that. "Er, no." Maggie had in fact just been in Mark's bed only moments before.

"She was heading to the kitchen for whipped cream, but that was fifteen minutes ago."

They entered the kitchen and were shocked to see that the black hole had grown dramatically overnight. Peter carefully retrieved a can of whipped cream from beneath it. "Oh, Maggie."

"She got too close," Mark said. "It's her own fault." He was relieved that Peter would not find out about his affair with Maggie, but he knew he would miss the sex.

"We have to do something about this thing." There was a slight draft, pulling into the center of the hole. Peter approached the rim and leaned over it.

"You're not going to go after her, are you?"

"Hell, no." Peter sprayed some whipped cream into his mouth then dropped the can into the hole. Licking his lips he turned to Mark.

"We have to move."

"But how are we going to explain this to Mr. Horowitz?" Their landlord would likely not take kindly to a massive vortex in the middle of his newly-renovated kitchen.

"Screw it. He can keep the security." Mark nodded and they went to bed.