Housekeeping

by Kristi Holdgrafer

image by Jennie Breeden

I can always tell the ones that come to die
She tells me


(Sigh) Can I just have my key?


It’s in the eyes
The maids get pissed (they have to clean the sheets)


As for me, (I answer back)
A bucket, pillow, and razor please


Why yes, she squeals, and how ‘bout these
Unnecessary amenities?
Complimentary OJ, buffet, bear claws
Continental stir straws, nondairy cream
Killer cocoa, instant coffee
The softest serve, yellow custard
Or hardcore porn (for a fee)


I see... (skip a beat)

No thanks, really
But,
If you please
Could ya hold my calls?
And for the love of God
Do Not Disturb my privacy


Enjoy your stay, valet, and bell hop
Elevators up, or down, or not.
See you again, and do remember
Rates increase at ten.


Yes, I know.
I’ve seen the signs
Though,
I will have checked out by then.

About the Author
Kristi’s an Austin resident where she completed some courses at The University of Texas before touring the world with a rock band for most of her 20’s. She recently completed her first novel, a story of teenage Crystal Meth addiction. Her second novel and many of her short stories touch on the topics of stripping, escorting, addiction, and the rock music industry. Her poetry has been published in Beginning’s & in Penwomenship magazine.

The poem "Housekeeping" came from a conversation with the night manager of a Holiday Inn who said she can always tell which guests have come to commit suicide by the look in their eyes.



Illustration by Jennie Breeden 


- Back to Fiction for the Month of March