Breathe Deeply

            Guilt gnawed in Josephine's head.  Anxiety raced through her bowels.  Four-inch alligator pumps squeezed her feet.  She shuddered, unclasped her two-thousand-dollar Hermes purse and reread the ad aloud.  "Whatever they are. Your problems solved. Guilt removal our specialty.  One simple application."           

            Josephine shoved the ad in her purse and entered New Alien Candle Emporium. A thin woman with green bubbly skin asked, "You have problems? Guilt? Cellulite, perhaps?"

            "Much worse than cellulite.  I was born with this tail," Josephine replied.  She twisted her hip, raised her full printed skirt and wiggled her three-inch tail in the woman's face.            

            The woman blinked once, "We will remove the guilt associated with your tail.  You will come to see your tail as a blessing.  Please remove your shoes and place them in the third vacancy from the right in the top row."  She pointed to a wall of partially filled cubbyholes.

            Josephine removed her shoes, stretched her toes and placed the shoes in the fifth vacancy in top row.

            Green bubbles broke from the face of the alien woman.  "No! You must place your shoes in the third vacancy. Following instructions is critical to success."  Josephine shrugged and moved her shoes to the directed cubbyhole.

            "Perfect," the woman smiled.  "Now follow the corridor behind you to the fourth iron door on your right.  Enter slowly and burn this white candle."

            She handed Josephine a long spiral candle and two matches. Bubbles broke from her finger as she pointed toward the narrow, dimly lit corridor.  Josephine paused before the fourth iron door. 

            Two doors away a woman exited. Her stockinged feet danced along the hall. As she passed Josephine, she smiled and said, "Those aliens are just so wonderful, even if they do bubble. They're just like us, you know. Always wanting to help."

            Josephine reminded herself to enter slowly, took a deep breath and entered a small room. 

A vibrating floor comforted her feet.  Red and black lights flashed across a hammock stretched between two walls. 

            Josephine inserted her candle in a bubble-shaped holder on the black square table in the room.  She struck one of her two matches.  Green fire flamed.  She lit the candle.  The flashing lights vanished.  Josephine swung onto the hammock, tucked her tail in the small of her back, smoothed her skirt and pulled a small afghan folded on the hammock over her legs.  Her eyelids lowered as she breathed the aroma of the burning candle.  Her guilt vanished as she drifted into slumber.      

                        A bald male with green bubbly skin shook her awake.  "Is your guilt gone now?"

            "Yes, but now I feel remorse that I was ever ashamed of my tail," Josephine said.           

            Bubbles bounced from his skin.  He lit a thin two inch candle.  "That is easily removed.  As this candle burns you will feel your remorse end."                                                

            Her remorse vanished as they watched the candle quickly burn.  

            "Is your remorse gone?" he asked         

            "Yes, but now I am bitter that I ever felt shame for my tail."        

            He glowered.  Red bubbles sprang from his skin. "That is a more difficult problem but I have a candle for it."  He lit a long, thick green candle and left the room.

            Josephine slept as the candle flamed and green laden smoke curled into her nostrils.  The green man shook her.  "Is your bitterness gone?  Do you feel the blessing of your tail?"

            Josephine rose from the hammock and wiggled her tail.  Her bitterness was gone.  "The remorse, the bitterness, the guilt are vanquished," she said.  "Yet I feel no blessing from my tail."

            Bubbles danced on the alien's skin.  "Gratification is our goal.  You must feel blessed."    Nothingness engulfed her.  "I feel nothing," she said.

            Bulky alizarin bubbles burst from the alien.  "You are much too difficult," he said. "I'm sorry," Josephine said.  Her tail drooped.          

            "Never mind.  I have the perfect answer for you."  He placed a pale bamboo-shaped candle in a bright purple holder on the table.  "Light this, remain by the table, and breathe deeply.  You will feel blessed by the pale blue color."  He eased from the room.  The door closed behind him.    

            Josephine lit the candle with her second match.  Her tail wagged as she embraced the comforting aroma of bitter almond from the burning cyanide.